Leave Jane Fonda Alone!!


I thought I would take the day off and not tell any stories today.  But, I was going through my email and found some junk email and it reminded me of something that happened a couple of years ago.  It was a Monday morning and I had just gotten to work.  I unlocked my office door; turned the lights on and booted up my computer.  I worked as an International Credit Manager and the first thing I did every morning was read and respond to my emails.  About 75% of our customers were in China, Tawain and Hong Kong.  The time difference made it almost impossible to communicate in any way except through email.   Many of these customers had really unusual names and email addresses, so I had set my Outlook Express to automatically save the addresses of the sender and the addresses of people copied on the email.  Then when I wanted to send an email, I could just type in the first few letters of the name and all the names beginning with those letters would pop up.

I usually got three or four junk emails a day and sometimes it was a lot more than that.  I absolutely hate junk email and I hate those damn “Chain Letter” emails where if you send this email to 7 people you will have good luck; and if you send this email to 1,000,000 you will receive $1,000,000.  That Monday morning I received several junk emails and one was from one of my buddies.  I glanced at the email then deleted it.  I really couldn’t tell you what it was about; all I know is it was something about Jane Fonda.  Then, after all my junk email had been deleted, I read the other messages.

As I said, it was Monday and I was extremely busy, and by now, it was well after lunch.   I was still answering emails and my boss was running in and out of my office needed this or wanting that.  So, naturally I was running behind and was trying to get caught up so I wouldn’t have to work late that day.   I was working on sending out my last email of the day and I started typing the letters of the name of the recipient in the “To” box and all the sudden, my ex’s name popped up.  I sat there and looked at it and thought, “How the hell did that get there?”  I thought for a second I was going crazy and had typed it myself.  I deleted it and started typing again, and I will be damned!  There is was again. I opened up my address book and my ex’s name was in there.  Since our nasty break up eight years before, I had not seen nor heard from the jerk, and I didn’t want to either!

I was trying to figure out how that unspeakable name got in my address book, and then it dawned on me.  I went to my deleted box and opened up the Jane Fonda email.  And sure enough, my buddy had sent the email to me and about one hundred other people, including my ex.  My Outlook express had saved the names just like I had instructed it to do.   Now, I’m not sure if I was mad or just  really hurt because I felt betrayed by my friend, but I did something that day I have never done before and never should have done.

I read the email and it went on and on about the things Jane Fonda had done and about her being a traitor.  I thought about it for a second, and then I decided I would tell everybody what I thought about Jane Fonda.  The more I typed, the madder I got and I kept thinking after all I went through with my ex, how could one of my best friends still like them?  The email went something like this:

“Why do you care what Jane Fonda does?  How many of you have actually met Jane Fonda?    How many of you know Jane Fonda?  Has Jane Fonda done something directly to you to make your life miserable?  Hell no, so forget about Jane Fonda!  But my friends, there is a traitor and thief among us.  And you, you know who you are and all the others know what you did to me.  If you don’t know, then, let me tell you.  I lost everything I had except my two dogs.  Yes that’s right; I got the shaft and this jerk bought a new corvette.  From now on, before you all complain about Jane Fonda or someone else you don’t even know, take a look in your own back yard and get rid of the trash.  NOW…LEAVE JANE FONDA ALONE!!”

Then I did something I should have never, ever done.  I clicked on the send button, and just like that, my email was gone.  Gone to Anchorage, St. Louis, New Orleans, San Francisco, New York, and lord knows where else I had sent this email.  And, right after I sent it, I was wishing I hadn’t.  So, I sat around the rest of the night waiting.  Yes, waiting for my buddy to call because I knew I was in deep trouble.  It was about nine o’clock that night before she called, and she was mad as hell about what I had done.  I tried to reason with her telling her that I felt betrayed because she was still friends with my ex, but she wouldn’t listen to a word I was saying.  She just kept talking and talking. The longer she talked, the faster she got and the louder she got.  She said her phone had been ringing none stop since four o’clock that afternoon.  She had received calls  from people as far away as Anchorage, Alaska.  One call after another from people asking about “The Jane Fonda” email.  She had no idea what they were talking about, but everybody said the email was from me, and apparently, someone read her the email while they were on the phone.  When she was finished saying what she had to say, she hung up.

I didn’t talk to her for a couple of days.  I gave her time too cool off and just when I was getting ready to call her, my phone rang.  It was her and while I was apologizing, she was saying that maybe she had been a bit harsh on me too.  Come to find out, her husband is the one who sent the email in the first place.  She said at least she got to talk to some of her friends she hadn’t spoken with in a long time.  She even laughed when she said, “It was kind of funny.  All those people think you really love Jane Fonda.”

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