And Spit On It!

I have had several jobs, and have made some really good friends at each of these jobs.  Even though I worked as an accountant, I managed to have fun and sneak away from my desk every now and then.  I worked at my last job for nine years and during that time I had seven different bosses.  Each of my bosses had completely different personalities and, of course different ways of doing things.  So, naturally it took some time for the staff to get use to the new person.   Just when I would get comfortable with my new boss, they would either get fired or quit, so this was a continuous cycle.

I  would like to say I got along with all my bosses, but that would be a lie.  I liked most of them pretty well, except  Debbie, who was my boss for about two years.  And it is fair to say, hardly anyone liked her.  Now, she was my boss and I tried to respect her and help her in any way I could, but she was loud and obnoxious and she looked just like an overgrown parrot.  Debbie would roll into work about 8:30 or 9:30 or whenever she chose, and as soon as she stepped into the lobby, you could hear that shrill voice saying, “Good morning everybody!”  Now, I’m not saying she wasn’t nice because she could be nice sometimes, but, she just got on our nerves so bad because of the things she would say.  Two of her favorite things to say were, “Well Fiddle Daddle” and “right, right, right?”  When she made up nicknames for all of us, that really drove us insane.  Her nickname for me was C. Jammer; then another girl’s was Valdasta, Kelly Belly and Janie.  Janie was just Janie, so apparently Debbie didn’t like Janie.  But there was no love loss there because Janie didn’t like her either.

Janie was the receptionist and every morning she would go around and ask everyone if they wanted breakfast.  Janie would take our breakfast orders and call them in to a nearby cafe and when she drove to the post office to pick up the mail, she would stop by the cafe and pick up our breakfast.  I happened to be in the mail room one morning and I could hear Janie on the phone placing the orders.  When I heard her say, “And Debbie…she wants an egg, cheese and sausage biscuit, and SPIT ON IT!”, I walked over to Janie and said, “Did I just hear what I thought I heard?”  She said, “Yes, I tell them that every morning, but they never do it!”; we both started laughing.  Debbie walked in and wanted to know what was so funny, and we laughed even harder.  I finally said, “Oh just Janie, she does some of the craziest things, and I walked out.

Janie was late for work just about every morning, and even though we did not punch a time clock, we had a sign in sheet that we signed when we got to work, and signed when we left work.  I think Janie was late about three out of the five working days every week.  Debbie wrote her up twice and the next time Janie was late, she would be in big trouble.  Now, I liked Janie because she was so funny and she brightened my day, so I didn’t want her to get fired.  Two days after she got her second written warning, she was late.  Janie and I both were to start work at 7:30, and it was 8:00 and Janie still wasn’t there.  I knew Debbie would be at work any minute, so I went to Janie’s desk and turned her computer on; turned her radio on, and moved some papers around on her desk to make it look like she was there, but just not at her desk.  About fifteen minutes later, I heard Debbie’s shrilly voice saying, “Good morning everybody.”

It was about 9:00 and I was in my office working and Debbie comes in.  She looks at me and says, “Have you seen Janie?”  I paused for a second, and then without even looking up, I said, “Yes.  She went by a few minutes ago and waved at me.”  Then I thought, “Oh crap, what if she doesn’t even come in?  How am I going to explain that?”  I’m not sure she believe me, but when Debbie walked out of my office, I buzzed Kelly and told her as soon as Janie got to work to let me know and to tell Janie go back outside and meet me in the smoking area.   Janie did come in that morning, and Debbie never found out that she had not been at work that morning.  Some how we managed to get away with that one, but a week later Janie was late and got fired.

Kelly was another one who didn’t like Debbie.  Kelly got fired before Janie, and although Debbie was not the reason Kelly got fired, I know she had a lot to do with it because of what Kelly did to her.  Now, I don’t know if you read my “Leave Jane Fonda Alone!” story or not, but I have one thing to say.  Never, EVER click send on an email unless you are one hundred percent sure you really want to send it.   I know what Kelly did because I was a little bit involved, but it was only after-the-fact.  Apparently Kelly was mad at Debbie about something and she and Janie were emailing each other talking about Debbie.  It was early one Wednesday morning and I had only been at work about forty minutes when my phone rang.  It was Kelly saying she needed my help.  She said it was urgent and asked me to come to her office right away.  I was a bit puzzled because knowing Kelly like I did, I knew she hadn’t actually started working yet, so I couldn’t figure out what could possibly be wrong.  When I got to her office, Kelly was white as a ghost.  I asked her what was wrong and she said, “CJ, I need your help.  I sent an email and I didn’t mean to send it, and I need to get it back and delete it.”  Naturally, I asked what email, and who it was to.  She told me and I about died right there on the spot.  I sat down at her computer and looked in her outbox folder and it was empty.  I looked in her sent folder and there was the email that she had sent to Debbie.  It was too late to delete it because it was already gone.  When I read the email, I think I even turned pale. The email said, “Debbie drive’s me crazy.  She is such a loud mouth witch and when she says, right? right? RIGHT? I just want to smack her RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT in her face, face, FACE!!!”

I felt really bad for Kelly, but I couldn’t understand how she could have written that about someone and then accidentally send it to that person.  I had to focus really hard on not laughing because I had never witnessed something so stupid in my entire life.  Kelly just  kept saying she must have been thinking about her when she typed her name in the “to” box.  Now, I know quite a bit about computers, but I do not know how to retrieve an email that has already been sent.  The only hope Kelly had, was to go to Debbie’s computer and physically delete the email from her inbox.  I walked with Kelly to Debbie’s office and it was too late.  Debbie was in her office and she was reading her email, and by the look on her face, it was the email Kelly had sent.  I really can’t remember what happened after that, but I know it was a long day for Kelly.  A couple of weeks later, Kelly was disqualified from her office job and forced to work in production.  Kelly worked in production about a month, then she quit and I never saw her again.

After that, Debbie became very demanding and very hard to get along with.  About three months later, I had been offered another job and was prepared to give my notice the next morning.  However, as soon as Debbie got to work, she called an accounting staff meeting.  I about fell out of my chair when she said she was quitting.  We all looked at each other and tried not to smile, but I must admit, that was one of the happiest days ever.    But, I will have to give Debbie credit because she lasted longer than any boss I had while I was there.  Her replacement lasted almost a year, and her replacement lasted five months, and the accounting staff were her replacement for over a year waiting for a new replacement to be hired.  The new replacement lasted a year and a half and his replacement lasted three-months, so they rehired the old guy the new guy had replaced.

Working at that place was like a revolving door with my bosses, and it was like that with the office staff too.  People would come, and people would go, but I made a lot of friends that way.  I run into some of those people every now and then, and we always stop and talk; shake hands or hug.  I see Janie every once in a while, and the first thing I say is, “AND SPIT ON IT!” and she always says, “RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT?”, and then we both die laughing.


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